I suppose it’s human nature to notice the flaws and the shortcomings in one’s life and one’s environment. Somehow it seems we are programmed to always be looking over the hill for the greener grass and the next ‘big thing’.
“If only I could have _____ then I would be happy”
Tonight as I sit here on a warm, quiet Spring evening in our soon-to-be former house , I notice how peaceful and beautiful this place is. Did I not notice this before or was I just not paying enough attention? I look at the cabinets Dad built and it chokes me up a little bit because it is a project we completed together with a great degree of success. Many times he and I would disagree about projects every step of the way, but in this project I see love and mutual respect between a Father & a Son. I remember thinking at one time that I would always have this kitchen and these cabinets to remind me of Dad, but I guess that isn’t going to be.
I’m not sure what all I’m feeling tonight. I don’t think it is sadness because this house and this neighborhood are the scene of so many happy memories. I carried my new bride over this threshold; I brought my new baby daughter into this home on a glorious, sunny Fall day; I watched from this living room as my beloved St. Louis Cardinals won two World Championships!
I don’t feel resentment toward our move because I’m starting to get comfortable in our new life and I know there are many friends and new memories ahead.
I don’t feel regret because (for the most part) I consciously tried to live in the moment while we were here and enjoy whatever gifts the moment was giving me…. and I have a lot of memories of so many wonderful moments and people here.
I suppose maybe I feel a touch of fear… fear that we will never be able to capture the magic of this place in our new life. I know it isn’t a rational fear. I also know I intend to make a conscious effort to enjoy each moment as it arrives, enjoy whatever we have, and spend zero time focusing on what we don’t have.
I feel blessed to have lived here and to have been a part of this neighborhood and I want to feel the same about my new city… and I know it is my responsibility to make it happen.
To my old neighbors, my old house, my old neighborhood and my old city… I never say goodbye, only ‘Be well my friend until I see you again.”